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Everything else Wow, you made it this far and still not sure? Oh well, post it here anyway

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  #901 (permalink)  
Old 01-13-2014, 6:35 PM
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A man and his wife, although on a vacation in the country, still managed to begin a yelling contest. As they drove through the countryside in brooding silence, the man indicated a donkey grazing in the field near the road. "Relative of yours?" he asked. "Yes," replied his wife, "By marriage."
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Old 01-13-2014, 6:37 PM
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Judge: What reason does the jury present for the verdict?

Foreman: Insanity, your honor.

Judge: All twelve of you?
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Old 01-13-2014, 6:38 PM
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Judge: "What reason does the jury present for the verdict?"

Foreman: "Insanity, your honor."

Judge: "All twelve of you?"
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Old 01-14-2014, 11:59 PM
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Mary was surprised by her 8 year old grandson one morning when he got coffee for her while she was still in bed.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Sweetheart, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”

Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV – ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!’”
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Old 01-15-2014, 2:20 PM
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Oregon taking control of the Interstate 5 Bridge Replacement Project.

Last edited by Darth_vader; 01-15-2014 at 2:23 PM..
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Old 01-19-2014, 1:12 AM
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Don't take this as political, just take it as FUNNY!!!!!

TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."...

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day."

(5) Your Primary Care Physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is…. "Embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape!
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Old 01-19-2014, 10:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by b7spectra View Post
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape!
I hope that's not the same stick from item #8
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Old 01-19-2014, 2:41 PM
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I was thinking item #8 was used by a proctologist. LMAO!
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Old 01-22-2014, 8:09 AM
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The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Stillwater, Minnesota for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Minnesota and the cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the local Veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Minnesota ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Minnesota?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Minnesota ."
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Old 01-22-2014, 9:09 AM
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LOL!
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  #911 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2014, 1:33 PM
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...

Last edited by Darth_vader; 01-22-2014 at 1:34 PM.. Reason: deleted
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:02 PM
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Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.

As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.

Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for. Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.

When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"

She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck'em dry!"
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Old 01-23-2014, 2:02 PM
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Clean jokes only?
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Old 01-23-2014, 2:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poltergeisty View Post
Clean jokes only?
We don't break guidelines, we just twist their arms.
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Old 01-23-2014, 9:18 PM
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I got in trouble for posting the name of a politician for gods sake.
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Old 01-23-2014, 9:19 PM
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So the same neutron star walks into a bar and orders a drink.
As the drink arrives, the neutron star asks, "how much?"

The bartender replied, "for you, no charge."
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Old 01-23-2014, 11:37 PM
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Dirty: Nun was thinking about sex

Clean: Nun fell into a mud puddle

Dirty: Took a shower with the Priest
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Old 01-24-2014, 6:43 AM
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If we had to stick to clean jokes only, I doubt we'd be up to 47 pages by now.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:02 AM
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Default Jokes - CLEAN ONLY

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioDaze View Post
If we had to stick to clean jokes only, I doubt we'd be up to 47 pages by now.

And a great 47 pages it is... One of my favorite threads!


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Old 01-24-2014, 6:31 PM
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I've shared a lot of them with friends. Good stuff for sure.
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