There has not been a terrorist attack in the United States since Jack Bauer first appeared on television.
Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer's attacks!
Jack Bauer doesn't need to search the internet, he just stares a computer down until it gives him the information he needs.
Terrorists dread the day in October that Daylight Savings Time ends. Jack Bauer gets 25 hours in which to kill them.
if Jack Bauer was Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
Jack Bauer once lost reception on his cell phone. 24 hours later AT&T announced that it would have more bars in more places.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of Jack Bauer
Vin Diesel can be rearranged to say "I end lives." Jack Bauer can be rearranged to say "Jack Bauer," which means the same thing.
Jack Bauer is the only reason why Waldo is hiding
Jack Bauer does not run out of ammunition. He simply lets everyone else have their moment to shine.
Harry Houdini is the world's second greatest escape artist. The First is Jack Bauer. I never saw Houdini bite a guy's neck in order to escape.
Kryptonite is not really from Krypton. It is made from Jack Bauer's crap, that is why it can kill Superman.
The war in Iraq will end when Jack Bauer vacations there.
There was no best man at Jack Bauer's wedding, Jack Bauer is always the best man.
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
The Dinosaurs laughed at Jack ...
After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
Jack's friend Chase once said that he loved Kim Bauer. Jack then killed a bunch of terrorists to try and calm down. After running out of terrorists, Jack told Chase he had no other choice and chopped off his arm with a fire axe.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
Jack Bauer doesn't read a book. He tortures it until he has all the information he needs.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite is violet, not because its pretty but because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer can divide by zero.
Taco Bell used to close at midnight, until Jack Bauer decided he wanted to have burritos at 2 am.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Jack can't believe 60 Minutes doesn't occur in real time.
Jack Bauer's cell phone never runs out of battery because the cell phone doesnt want to be mistaken for helping the terrorist.
Jack Bauer wears aviator sunglasses as a courtesy to the Sun so it doesn't have to look into his
eyes.
My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.
When jack bauer cuts onions, the onions cry.
Jack Bauer can beat connect four in three moves.
Popeye eats spinich and throws the can away. Jack Bauer throws the spinich away and eats the can.
Jack Bauer understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.
While growing up on a farm, Jack's parents wanted him to kill a turkey for Thanksgiving. He started by shooting the turkey in the kneecaps.
When Jack Bauer microwaves a burrito, it isn't cold in the middle.
Jack Bauer cannot only withstand pain, he can withstand death.
Jack Bauer is forcing me to write this, he is going to shoot me in the head when I am finishe...
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