Girlfriends religion

dracer777 · #1 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 12:46 AM

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Alright, so im dating this girl, we have been very serious and do plan on getting married[i know what you have to say, so dont. lol]. Her dad grounded her over the summer, and just recently when we started talking again, she mentioned that she doesnt believe in "christianity" anymore and wants to learn about reincarnation. We WERE both christians who didnt believe in "religion". Basically, i love her more than anything and it hurts me to hear her turn her back on god like this. Any advice would be great. Thanks guys....

N_Jay · #2 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 08:42 AM

Sounds like she needs to learn a whole lot more about the religion she was born into and the others before making any decisions. (about religion, marriage, life, etc.)

gewecke · #3 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 09:57 AM

She's entitle to her own beliefs,even if they don't happen to agree with yours.
I'm inclined to think you're going to have to compromise with her? Maybe "god" doesn't have anything to do with it. Hope it all works out though.
N9ZAS

kb2vxa · #4 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 07:26 PM

Abbey says:
So, who do you worship, her or God? Who is first in your life, her or God? That hurt is telling you something, you have a choice to make BEFORE you marry the pain, divorce is far more painful. If advice is what you seek look within yourself, go with your gut, the decision you make is yours and yours alone.

I leave you with this thought; none is so blind as one in love.

dracer777 · #5 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 10:20 PM

First off, her name is also Abby, lol.

2nd, I would like to say God is first, in a weird way, i dont claim to be a "great" christian. But this does not seem to be a "her or god" question. Maybe im wrong in that?...

What hurts me is that this person i love... Is choosing a path that leads to her soul not being saved. I hope you can relate to that pain(you know what i mean, i dont wish you had that pain, you get the picture). Should I continue to be with this person that I've known since I was 15(im now 17) and have been "courting/dating" for a year, and try to mold her into the person she was a few months ago?

Keep in mind, she had a rough past (stepfather.... uhm.... problems), her dad, who is being her dictator, she has only known for 4 years. And her mom is in complete denial about her past. So basically, i think all of this is routed deep with just being harmed over and over and just looking for something pheasable to believe in.

We actually haven't seen each other for over 3 months and just started talking about 3 weeks ago, her dad has not let her leave his sight(shes almost 17), and it may be false hope, but i foresee things changing. I think she is doing this just to act out the pain that she has recently been put through. Because last time we saw each other was at church and were having an in depth conversation about many aspects of people and their religions. Never has she hinted to the idea of turning from god, i mean, we both have had waivering faith at times... but nothing like this. I would really hate to see this relationship go to trash, but i simply cant go though this forever. The pain of not knowing what will happen to her. Am i over reacting? In my head, i feel like i am thinking very rationally, but alot of my friends have implied otherwise.

Thank all of you for your replies...

n5ims · #6 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 12:00 AM

Hopefully this doesn't sound disrespectful of your religion, I don't intend it to be so.

While Jesus Christ is the "son of God", according to the Christian's Bible, other religions do indeed pray to this very same God. The Jewish faith is based very much on the Old Testament. The Muslim faith has many teaching from the same profit Muhammad in the Old Testament.

Just like many of us have more than one child, God could very easily have many as well. This could help to explain why there are so many religions in this world.

gewecke · #7 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 10:36 AM

Thunp...thump...thump...had to go there.

KF5DCI · #8 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 10:59 AM

I don't think I am active enough or know many here to go on and on about my beliefs, but you need to understand that she is her own person, if she chooses not to believe in the same god you do than that is her choice and you should not intend to change that to your liking. You need to either learn to love her the way she is or move on. It's up to you.

blinddog50 · #9 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 02:53 PM

Give it up. At least give it time. I'm talking years, not hours.
You're both way to young to know what you want.
If you have to 'mold' someone into the person you want them to be, then that's most likely not the person for you.

dracer777 · #10 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by n5ims

Hopefully this doesn't sound disrespectful of your religion, I don't intend it to be so.

While Jesus Christ is the "son of God", according to the Christian's Bible, other religions do indeed pray to this very same God. The Jewish faith is based very much on the Old Testament. The Muslim faith has many teaching from the same profit Muhammad in the Old Testament.

Just like many of us have more than one child, God could very easily have many as well. This could help to explain why there are so many religions in this world.

First of all, thanks for the disclaimer, but i think you handled that perfectly and it gave me alot to think about, thank you.

As for everyone else, thank you for your responses, it all gave me alot to think about and contemplate. Thanks... and if you believe, pray...

GADGETPRONE · #11 (**permalink**) 09-08-2009, 04:07 PM

Marriage is very difficult. Please take time to consider your situation. Don't rush into it.

There are many religions in this world because man cannot understand other persons heart as GOD can. Churches & Religions ask you to follow certain rules and rituals so that they can discern your heart & accept you....Only The God who created you knows you perfectly.

If you and your girlfriend cannot share the same spiritual relationship it will cause strife between you. It's not your responsibility to save her...Let God work in her heart. You may have to move on, I know this hurts. If you wait on the LORD He will bring the right one into your life.

Jesus says "I am the Alpha & the Omega, the First & the Last, the Beginning & the End. Revelations 22:13

kb2vxa · #12 (**permalink**) 09-10-2009, 10:04 AM

"But this does not seem to be a "her or god" question. Maybe im wrong in that?"

I'll put it to you this way, Jews are forbidden to marry outside their religion for good reason, non believers lead one astray into corruption through compromise. Now ask yourself, I'll not answer for you, will you allow your faith to be compromised?

"First off, her name is also Abby, lol. "

Last laugh, her name is Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. <razz> Oh and BTW, who is Abbey Rhodes?

Thayne · #13 (**permalink**) 09-10-2009, 11:32 AM

Has any olde codger or young buck, (including the OP) ever considered the deduction that just boinged into my mind: That even though as we age our vision grows ever worse, it is infinitely better (at an old age) than it was when looking at affairs of the heart without being affected by the abundance of testosterone coursing thru our veins when we were young.

I only dream this stuff up after an overdose of margaritas---

Thayne · #14 (**permalink**) 09-10-2009, 11:32 AM

Has any olde codger or young buck, (including the OP) ever considered the deduction that just boinged into my mind: That even though as we age our vision grows ever worse, it is infinitely better (at an old age) than it was when looking at affairs of the heart without being affected by the abundance of testosterone coursing thru our veins when we were young.

I only dream this stuff up after an overdose of margaritas---

Double post--Sorry

PMJ2kx · #15 (**permalink**) 09-11-2009, 04:28 AM

Disclaimer: My comments are IMHO; no offense implied or intentional. I am not a doctor or a minister.

Lets start from the very beginning: you are TOO young to be thinking about this. You haven't experienced life enough to understand the responsibilities and consequences of marriage. While there are some youngsters out there that do have the maturity and wisdom to be successful, most do not, and end up hurting more than just themselves or their lover. Please, please, PLEASE take some time to think about what marriage is all about, and if it's really right for you at this point in time.

Next, lets focus on Abby. From what you've described, she has a history of being abused by a supposed guardian, with no support at home from either mom or dad. Unfortunately, that's an all-too-common scenario these days which creates a "lack of trust" issue from those who may be seen as a figure of authority...which explains why she may be moving away from a Christian lifestyle or thought process. Some people view God as being too strict and rigid, and He becomes a reminder of the things they want to escape from. Because she is constantly controlled by her parents, the idea of exploring other faiths, religions, beliefs, and views is a way for her to gain some level of independence and freedom. If she truly feels that Christianity is the correct path for her, then she probably won't stray far from it, if at all.

Finally, lets look at you. You strike me as being a thoughtful and considerate person, especially at such a tender age. You also seem to have a deeply rooted Christan belief, which has no doubt influenced you in your life. As such, you should be able to understand the following scripture without much explanation on my part. Lets look at the New Testament (I prefer the King James Version myself):

Matthew Ch 22.: v36-39

Quote:

36: Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37: Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38: This is the first and great commandment.
39: And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

You've already stated that God is first in your life. You have verse 37 down. Now, here comes the hard part: love her (respect) as you do yourself. No matter what happens to her, no matter what she thinks, believes, wishes, does, or wants, the best thing you can do is continue to love and respect her.

If she decides to go down a separate path from you, all is not lost. You learned a lot, grew a little, and can take that knowledge and apply it to future relationships, and instead of bemoaning her or holding a grudge (or for that matter, becoming depressed over the situation), be happy for her. That's all you really can do. You don't have to like the things she does, or the way she does them. The best thing Abby needs right now is someone to support her, and you can do that, just by being a good friend, if nothing else.

One other thing to consider is this: because of your beliefs, understand that compromise may not necessarily be the best option. While most situations have go-betweens , core values of the individual can be deeply rooted not only in that person, but also within a family, group, or community, and to go astray from such will lead to schisms that seem to have everlasting effects. If you rock the boat, be prepared for waves.

All in all, this world is full of people who share the same values you do. Abby is not the only one, and if it so happens that she wants differently, well...okay. That's her choice. You will probably find someone else who shares the same love of God, self, and family as you do, and that has the potential of being the best choice you can make for yourself and Abby.

If things do work out between you, then I wish you the best. I also wish you would reconsider marriage so early, but...that's just me. If you two do get married, I don't want to scare you...but be forewarned: her history of abuse may become a larger issue down the road, and may very well cause problems in your marriage and with your family. If the situations have been as bad as you have implied, I would suggest at the very least that she should see a qualified therapist for some form of talk therapy; the reason being is thus: trauma to the mental state is much like poison to the body: it erodes us from the inside until we remove it.

Good luck to you and Abby, and may God bless you both.

--Mike

PS: Take everything I've said here with a grain of salt...like I said in the beginning, I'm not a doc, or a preacher, or anyone who's qualified to offer direction in your life. I'm just a guy who works in retail who enjoys fiddling with his scanners and listening to the chaos in the neighborhood.

slicerwizard · #16 (**permalink**) 09-13-2009, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dracer777

What hurts me is that this person i love... Is choosing a path that leads to her soul not being saved.

So the problem is that she is at least questioning all the nonsense thrown at her (mind you, her fancy for reincarnation isn't terribly bright), while you cling to silly fairy tales. Clearly, she's too good for you. He is waggling His Noodly Appendage at you in a most disapproving manner.

kb2vxa · #17 (**permalink**) 09-15-2009, 12:04 AM

"What hurts me is that this person i love... Is choosing a path that leads to her soul not being saved."

This one sentence based on controversy leading to confusion and more contrariwise is the core of all religious doctrine and the leading cause of war and strife down through the ages. Playing Devil's advocate here, just what the Hell (sic) is all this "my god is better than your god" and "mine is the only god" crap all about anyway? What about all those non believers out there as compared to the followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Saved? Is your god putting you in a bank or what? Maybe Wall Street would be a better investment, at least until the market fails.

When I finally figured out that religion with all its dogma is The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown (I bring you fire, you're gonna burn) I gave it all up in favor of my faith and started again from scratch. When I realized I am a son of God and like any son of any father have a personal relationship I realized that religion is useless and dogma is mind control. Starting from scratch means chucking it all, picking up the Bible (in my case) and forming my OWN opinions based on what I learned, much of it for the very first time once the covering was removed.

Think about it, this was instructed by Jesus and is the true meaning of being born again. Don't be fooled by the goody two shoes "born again Christians" dancing and hollering WOO WOO WOO, this is another little bit of "beware the leaven of the pharisees". Read, learn and above all THINK FOR YOURSELF, don't take the easy way out letting others do it for you! You'll never form a personal relationship with God or anyone with an intercessor standing between you! The first step toward strengthening your faith is to question it, each step closer to God begins with a question... Father, what is the meaning of...? The answer may not be what you expect, like me he often says "do your own homework, read it and learn". Then when you are ready to accept the truth a light shines in the darkness... wait for it, it will come in perfect time, not yours, not mine, but God's.

It is said that God works in mysterious ways, that pure light of understanding has many sources. Often it comes in a flash when you least expect it, you won't even be thinking of it when WHAM it hits you, oh, so THAT'S what it means! It comes in song, it comes in conversation, it comes in disguise, it creeps up behind you from where you do not know and makes you go hmmmm.

You see? She's not on the road to Hell but on a path to higher learning IF she has a gentle guide... like you? Give it a try but whatever you do DO NOT let her drag you down, never sacrifice yourself on the altar of perdition. If you see this happening remember, if you love her set her free, you're not the one, not the one she's looking for.

dracer777 · #18 (**permalink**) 09-15-2009, 01:08 AM

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Hmm... i like your post. very well thought out. deep. Do not think i refer to MY christianity as a "religion", i hate religion. It is a set of rules, nothing more, nothing less. Do you concure? As for Abby, the part you quoted me on was not fact, im sorry, i did say it as such. It was purely my belief, which *I* believe if she does not ask Christ to forgive her, she is not forgiven. If she does not believe in Him.... you get the picture....

what do you mean "set her free"? Should i be at least be gently guiding her in the direction i see best? im not forcing anything on her. certainly not so. Thank you for your post, well thought out. Depth is what i seek.

thenewsden · #19 (**permalink**) 09-15-2009, 07:11 PM

Well it appears you have gotten a ton of advice thus far. So here's mine....

If you intend to continue serving the Lord and she decides not to she is not the one God desires you to have a relationship with. God teaches us things through our life experiences.

It is not a good idea to attempt to have a intimate relationship with someone of a belief different from yours. It will cause you more problems. Why, because that is not God's desire for your life. Be patient, you have plenty of time and trust God he will send you that special person when you least expect it. Our lives are in his time not our own. That simple fact is hard for many people to accept. They want to try to force God's hand and make decisions for him and that never works out.

Trying to change a person through a intimate relationship doesn't work. You can not make someone be something that they don't wish to be. That isn't fair to you or them. Only God has the ability to change a person's heart. But that heart has to be willing to change and it doesn't sound like she is there yet. What it sounds to me like she needs right now more than anything is a friend. You can be that person in her life. Allow her to find God on her own, but you can help her in that search. If things work out the way you hope they will her faith will be stronger for it. Not to mention, your relationship will be much stronger because of your experience.

Hang in there, be a friend in this situation and keep listening to God. Best of luck.

kb2vxa · #20 (**permalink**) 09-17-2009, 06:51 PM

Read Thenewsden's post again, he gets the picture and reiterates my comments with a tad less verbosity. I'll try to address your dilemma bit by bit the best I can...

"Do not think i refer to MY christianity as a "religion", i hate religion. It is a set of rules, nothing more, nothing less. Do you concure?"
I concur in part, The Ten Commandments are universal law you'll find in every religion, the basis of all law we live by. Jesus boiled it down to just two, the first as is and condensed all else into what we call The Golden Rule. This aspect is also reflected in all religions and in the modern phrase "what goes around comes around (on the wheel of Karma)". The Bible elaborates, it is a two edged sword cutting forward and back, good is returned unto the sender seven times, evil is returned TEN times. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, (you) don't know what it means to me. (Thank you Aretha Franklin.)

"As for Abby, the part you quoted me on was not fact, im sorry, i did say it as such."
Never mind my sarcasm, just a bit of karmic humor.

"It was purely my belief, which *I* believe if she does not ask Christ to forgive her, she is not forgiven. If she does not believe in Him.... you get the picture...."
I get the picture, you don't. Here you go spewing dogma, no such thing appears in scripture. Jesus said "all who believe in me shall have eternal life" and nothing more in that regard, you're forgetting the very purpose in him sacrificing himself on the cross. It goes back to temple sacrifices long before he was born, a lamb without spot or blemish is the sin offering, that's why we call him the Lamb of God. Do you think all who went before or otherwise never heard of him or disbelieve his divinity aren't forgiven and only those "true Christians" are? That's just a bit narrow minded now isn't it? Give God a little credit, he started working on his plan way back in the Garden of Eden when he created Adam and Eve from Adam, the Davidic line of succession that culminated in the birth of Jesus. (Read about his genealogy in the Old Testament.) Here's a clue, before they were created he created Man, "male and female he created them". Think of why Eve came from Adam, there is this striking similarity to God fathering Jesus through Mary. (Alpha and omega, that special creation came full circle.)

"what do you mean "set her free"?"
Oh good grief, there are innumerable songs of true love vs. obsessive, pick one. So many words all come down to "if you love her set her free" so don't stifle her, don't try to control her, let her do her own thing with you by her side leading by example, not telling her what to do.

"Should i be at least be gently guiding her in the direction i see best?"
NO! It's not your decision to make, it is hers and hers alone. She is seeking her own way in life, expect her to stumble and fall, just be there to pick her up and comfort her. Those who seek God shall never find him, it's the shepherd who seeks the lambs, not the other way round. Yup, it's in the Bible, God saves WHOM HE WILL, it's HIS choice, nobody else's.

"im not forcing anything on her. certainly not so."
You couldn't if you tried, she'd only rebel. You need a bit of wisdom yourself, learn how to trick her into thinking it was her idea, learn how to play the woman's game. Doggone long story, VERY long and another discussion in itself but I have sown the seeds. Now let's see if they landed on rocks, got eaten by birds or fell on fertile soil.

"Thank you for your post, well thought out."
Not really, when speaking from the heart never let the brain get in the way.

"Depth is what i seek."
No kid, you're over your depth already. Philosophy... is a slippery rocks religion. Pull me into shallow water... before I get too deep. (Thank you Edie Brikell and The New Bohmians.)

I leave you with this thought, you're the one who needs to be born again. She chucked it, now YOU chuck it and start over... seek enlightenment together. Christianity isn't the only religion, when you explore others you find they all have one thing in common. I won't tell you, when you find it you will know. The shepherd has other sheep and other names but he's still the same shepherd, God has many faces.