• Effective immediately we will be deleting, without notice, any negative threads or posts that deal with the use of encryption and streaming of scanner audio.

    We've noticed a huge increase in rants and negative posts that revolve around agencies going to encryption due to the broadcasting of scanner audio on the internet. It's now worn out and continues to be the same recycled rants. These rants hijack the threads and derail the conversation. They no longer have a place anywhere on this forum other than in the designated threads in the Rants forum in the Tavern.

    If you violate these guidelines your post will be deleted without notice and an infraction will be issued. We are not against discussion of this issue. You just need to do it in the right place. For example:
    https://forums.radioreference.com/rants/224104-official-thread-live-audio-feeds-scanners-wait-encryption.html

Jokes - CLEAN ONLY

CrabbyMilton

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
562
Grandma and Grandpa are taking their 7 year old grandson for a walk in the park. They are walking down one of the paths when the little guy take note of a fairly new cellphone tower along the path. He asked…”Grandpa, what’s that for? There’s one by my school and one on top of the fire station”. Grandpa hesitated and then smiled and said…”Well, that’s for cell phones those things all over the city because Grandma talks on the phone all the time. She talks to her friends at church and her sister.” Grandma says…”Oh now don’t listen to Grandpa, I don’t talk on the phone that much but many other people do.” Sometime later, they sit down and admire the fountain. The little boy asked Grandpa about it how it works, when it was built etc. Grandpa says… It’s beautiful alright but I’m not sure…let me look it up for you.” Grandma says…”So you see why we need those towers now? People like Grandpa can’t stay off the internet to save his life!”
 

AB4BF

Member
Premium Subscriber
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
360
Location
EM93cs
All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one at a time until only Bob, the most junior member was left sitting outside.

Finally it was Bob's turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the Chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the Chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, asked, "Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?"

"Oh, no Sir, positively not!" Bob replied.

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked the Chairman.

"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her!"

"You'd swear to that?"

"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere."

"Good, then you fire her!".
 

poltergeisty

Deep Thinker
Joined
May 7, 2004
Messages
3,806
Location
RLG, Fly heading 053, intercept 315 DVV
Just imagine what all the high rise window washers see on a day by day basis.

I've seen a massive database to Ashley Madison once. That's how many people break the 7th Commandment.

Note: this database is free to download. But all the passwords are probably changed.
 

poltergeisty

Deep Thinker
Joined
May 7, 2004
Messages
3,806
Location
RLG, Fly heading 053, intercept 315 DVV
So a man is at a bar and orders a drink called a grasshopper. After he's had his fill he walks out and down the street and sees a grasshopper and says, "hey! You know there's a drink named after you?" The grasshopper responds, "you mean there's a drink named Irving?" :D

Courtesy of the show Family Guy
 

mmisk

Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
558
Location
Ottawa, Canada
When I was little and my mother was baking in the kitchen, I ask her if I could lick the bowl
She said no because it was unhealthy, just flush it like everyone else.
 

CrabbyMilton

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
562
I like that last one.
Or in the old days...No son I'm not going to buy you an encyclopedia. You can walk to school like I had to.
 

CrabbyMilton

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
562
A man named George who was originally from Germany visits a tavern almost every Sunday afternoon. He had only been in America for less than 5 years so he still had a very pronounced German accent.

He’s telling the bartender and one other man that he went to the museum downtown yesterday. “ I vent to wisit z big museum downtown yesterday. But z parking vas impossibull. So I vent back home and take z bus a durdy vun.” The other man says…”Yeah sometimes they don’t clean those buses very well.” George says oh zis bus vas wery clean. I don’t know about ozer bus vouts but I took z number 31.”
 

CrabbyMilton

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
562
A husband and wife are taking their usual post dinner walk thru the park one evening when suddenly they are taken aboard a spaceship from another planet.

They get to the planet and awaken in a combination hospital and hotel room and then escorted down a long hallway. They meet a being that is green and has no distinguishing characteristics.

He tells them…”Hello my name is JGTRQ the commander of 18 sector. We can’t return you to earth so you will spend the rest of your lives here. Please don’t worry, we are a completely peaceful and nonviolent planet. You’ll find this whole planet to be nothing but beautiful rolling hills and countryside much like earth that you are more than welcome to explore as you will. You will never lack food and clothing which are also similar to earth. The only thing is your faces had to be changed. Human males all have the same face and human females all have the same faces. If you have children their faces will be changed as well but the process is without pain as well. You can have whatever hairstyle you want but the facial features are the same as every other human. You’ll now be taken to your cottage.”

The wife finds a mirror and sees her new face and says…”Oh no, I have Hillary Clinton’s face just like every other female here!!! That’s just deplorable! You have Walter Cronkite’s face dear.”

The husband says…”That’s the way it is.”
 
Top