• Effective immediately we will be deleting, without notice, any negative threads or posts that deal with the use of encryption and streaming of scanner audio.

    We've noticed a huge increase in rants and negative posts that revolve around agencies going to encryption due to the broadcasting of scanner audio on the internet. It's now worn out and continues to be the same recycled rants. These rants hijack the threads and derail the conversation. They no longer have a place anywhere on this forum other than in the designated threads in the Rants forum in the Tavern.

    If you violate these guidelines your post will be deleted without notice and an infraction will be issued. We are not against discussion of this issue. You just need to do it in the right place. For example:
    https://forums.radioreference.com/rants/224104-official-thread-live-audio-feeds-scanners-wait-encryption.html

Jokes - CLEAN ONLY

Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
The Newfie Boy and his Father

A Newfie boy and his father were visiting Toronto. It was their first time off the rock.
They went to a shopping mall and were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The Newfie boy asked, 'What is this thing Father?'

The Newfie father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a huge fat lady slowly lumbered up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady squeezed between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year- old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son.....'Go get your mother.'
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
I want a fart just like the fart
That blew the ass off dear old Dad.

It was the most disgusting fart, that Daddy ever had.
A good old fashioned fart, loud and long
It took all day to sew his ass back on,

I want a fart just like the fart
That blew the ass off dear old dad.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
I want a beer just like the beer
That pickled dear old Dad.

It was the most powerful beer, that Daddy ever had.
A good old fashioned beer, with lots of foam,
It took ten men to carry Daddy home

I want a beer just like the beer
That pickled dear old Dad.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God said that he was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. She will never get fat or cut her beautiful long hair."

Adam asked God "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg.
"Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
...,.,...........The rest is history . . .
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
THE RULES

1. The female ALWAYS makes the rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the male knows all, the Rules, she must change some or all of the Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants the Male to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm.
 
Joined
Jul 4, 2003
Messages
554
Location
Ottawa, Canada
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
We know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
 

poltergeisty

Deep Thinker
Joined
May 7, 2004
Messages
3,763
Location
RLG, Fly heading 053, intercept 315 DVV
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What if you get scared half to death twice but are a pessimistic individual who's glass is always half empty and think death is a half assed idea for half-minded people with half a brain?

:D

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

When my UV light no longer works and my important passwords can't be viewed.


We know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

I have to wonder if so-called dark matter and dark energy has a velocity?
 
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