A little humour this Holiday Season

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Premium Subscriber
Oct 17, 2002
Bountiful, UT
I found this in my humour file. It is a little dated, but I hope you enjoy it. I ask that you all have a safe, and enjoyable Holiday Season.

The following manuscript, is believed to have been left by a
transient elf, at the UPI bureau in Spokane.

'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the nation;
State troopers were waiting, Each man at his station.
Why are they lurking with siren and light?
For that bold perpetrator Of Christmas Eve night.

He rides through the night, Flouting all the laws.
He is known on the posters, As one Mr. S. Claus.
For years he's been coming, on cold winter nights,
But his little red carriage has no proper lights.

The law is simple. The words are quite stark.
An unlighted sleigh box, is a crime in the dark.
Long ago it was worse, but he's not done his duty,
By rigging his team, To a critter named Rudy.

A little red beacon, with a flash and a blink.
My gosh, if they catch him, he'll land in the clink.
The lights must be brighter, A beam white and bold,
To show him the way, up there in the cold.

And brake lights, and stop lights, And emergency flashers;
To light up the sky For the Dancers and Dashers.
Plus seatbelts, and mirrors, and his wipers need fixin',
To make the night safe For Prancer and vixen.

A whole grand array . . . He can't be so stupid.
To imperil the lives of Comet and cupid.
As his rush to the south, takes him through every state;
His sleigh is not marked, with its maximum weight.

And the EPA people will join the patrols.
They know that the team Lacks emission controls.
But these agents, and watchers, And old Smokey Bears;
Are not listed among, This night rider's cares.

His soul is untroubled . . He won't give a fig;
His wife has just bought him A Citizens' Rig.
He'll the monitor channels, from one up to twenty;
And even this night, He'll have helpers a plenty.

They'll warn him of speed traps where smokey might lurk.
He'll avoid all the pitfalls and finish his work.
In case you've not guessed it, His handle is Kringle.
He rides every year with his bells all ajingle.

You may hear his transmission, In a voice very bright
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, GOOD BUDDY, And to all a good night."


Jun 21, 2005
North Muskegon, MI
Very cute. may have to read that during our net here in a week.

Reminds me of hearing the police put out a BOLO on Christmas eve, I always like catching that call.


Jun 21, 2005
North Muskegon, MI
I found the following in reference to my BOLO statement:

Here are some example's of BOLO's for Christmas eve. Of course you change them to fit your agencies lingo.

All stations, units and departments be on the look-out for a vehicle wanted in connection with several hit and run sleigh-chimney accidents that have resulted in damage to rooftops throughout the county.

The suspect vehicle is a 2003 red rag top coupe with running boards and
silver bells. The vehicle has an eight reindeer, high performance engine equipped with a Rudolph four-legged carburetor.

The suspect driver is an elderly male approximately 6ft tall, 320 lbs, white hair and blue eyes that sparkle and gleam. His bright red nose and red rosy cheeks have led witnesses to believe that he is full of holiday spirits. He sports a well-groomed mustache and a full white beard that hangs down to his expansive belly..

He was last seen wearing a red cap pulled down over his ears and a red
velvet suit trimmed in white fur. He was also wearing a shiny black leather belt and black leather boots.

The suspect was last seen driving away from a chimney that he side-swiped in the Banks area. Witnesses described him as placing his finger alongside of his nose and slipping down the chimney!

All units, use caution. The suspect will often produce false identification that indicates he is a Saint by the name of Nicholas. When you try to check his ID, he will pull away and wish you a Merry Christmas as he drives out of sight.

Any unit sighting this vehicle and/or suspect, notify Central Dispatch
immediately. This message authority North Pole Police, Officer Frosty.

#2 Attention citizens of Bay County...we have a report of an unidentified
flying object over and around the Bay County area. This flying object has been described by witnesses as a red sleigh powered by eight tiny reindeer. The lead reindeer is said to have a bright, shiny red nose. The sleigh is being driven by a older male described as having long white hair and a long white beard. Subject is wearing a red velvet coat with white fur trim, red pants and is also wearing a black belt and black boots. Some people have described him as looking like Santa Claus. This elderly male also has with him a large back and it's full of toys. Unknown at this point is this subject is going to stop. The subject that looks like Santa Claus has been flying around some kids' houses for hours trying to land but he is unable to because these kids are not in bed yet. So if this flying object is spotted in your neighborhood, make sure all of you kids are in bed or he might not land on your roof.

#3 This one is used by CHP.

Units stand by to copy BOL relayed from Northern Division for suspect and
vehicle wanted for numerous vehicle code violations.

Suspect vehicle described as an early model, lowered convertible - souped
up V8 or other high-powered horsepower engine, personalized Ohio license: CLAUS- license clear in NCIC.

Reported as extreme 23103, also in violation of 25269 (displaying red warning light) and 24002a, unsafe load.

Driver is an older WMA, white hair and beard, wearing red running sweats
with white trim and a red hat with a white tassel. Driver is known for being Jolly in a No-Jolly zone and has been cited numerous times tonight; is a definite WILL GO AGAIN. Last seen southbound at a high rate of speed, subject stated he had places to go and presents to leave.

Repeating: BOL for a WILL GO AGAIN, 23103 convertible, personalized OH
plate: CLAUS. If located, stop, cite, and deliver confiscated property
to Dispatch.

End of BOL.... (Time and ID)
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