I have tried to install this device in my radio and hook it to my XP and Vista lap top.
The lap tops only have USB adaptors.
Careful with broad statements like that. I have a Dell Latitude D620 that had Windows XP on it when I bought it. It has a real RS-232 serial port. I've since upgraded it to Windows 7 Professional. Yes, finding laptop computers with serial ports is becoming more and more difficult, but it's not impossible.
I bought an adaptor and program to make sure it acts as a 232 when it gets from the radio DIN 9.
Are you saying you bought a USB to RS-232 adapter? Depending on which one you bought, it should work OK. The ones with the FTDI chip sets are generally the most reliable. The ones with the Prolific chipsets sometimes work OK, but there are some adapters on the market with clones of Prolific chipsets that don't work worth a darn. If you happened to buy a Belkin adapter, you may want to take it back as those are notoriously unreliable. Whether your adapter has the FTDI or Prolific chipset, you will have to make sure you have loaded the correct driver and you will have to verify what COM port number it is emulating.
Also, there is no "DIN 9" connector on an Alinco DR-x35 radio. There is a DB-9 connector on the back that is used to communicate with the internal TNC. Note that you must make sure the internal TNC's connectors are installed properly.
I cannot get the XP or Vista to talk to the packet board.
What packet board are you talking about? Are you talking about a packet program that you are running on your computer? Have you configured that program to use the same COM port number that your USB to RS-232 adapter is using? I believe the default COM port speed for the Alinco EJ-41U TNC is 9600 baud, so you'll have to set your packet program to communicate with the TNC at that speed.
I believe the radio does hear the computer because sometimes when IM working there will be a change on the radio display.
I'm not sure what this means. If the radio is receiving packet transmissions, there won't be anything appear on the radio's display.
One item you didn't mention was whether or not you placed the radio into DATA mode. The internal TNC will not work unless the radio is in DATA mode. To put the radio into DATA mode, press the FUNC key followed by the SQL key. You should see a little square wave symbol appear on the radio's display to indicate that it is in DATA mode.
Make sure you've followed all the instructions in the Packet section of the Alinco manual.
By the way, the Alinco EJ-41U TNC is very limited and there are other choices. If your packet program can communicate with a TNC using KISS, the Argent Data T3-135 is a much better choice than the Alinco TNC. The T3-135 mounts inside the radio just like the Alinco TNC and it has a USB port so you don't have to bother with USB to RS-232 adapters.