With the fire season winding down I thought it would be a good time to copy this bit of humor about life on wildland fires. The title of the piece is "Decompression is Important. You may not appreciate the humor unless you have been on a few wildland fires, especially when you are assigned more than a week at a time. If you haven't reading this may give you some insight on the things that begin to bug us while we are on wildland fires. I've spent 20 weeks total on large fires, up to 5 weeks at a time during the Yellowstone Fires of 1988, so this really hits home to me.
As we see our work suppressing a wildfire coming to an end, we know we’ll soon return to our “normal” lives. But just as deep sea divers know it’s important not to ascend to the surface too rapidly, we firefighters have to learn to “decompress,” to slowly rejoin our friends and families and colleagues in the “real world.” Wildland firefighters don’t have decompression chambers to help us, so we need some training to help make this transition as painless as possible. Following are some tips for a slow, safe withdrawal from fireline life.
Before leaving fire camp, record the sound of helicopters flying overhead and/or the sound of generators near the food unit.
Your first evening at home, start a roaring fire in the fireplace, turn off all the lights, and read a comic book by flashlight. Partially shut the flue damper and have a little smoke back up into the house, enough that it stings your eyes a little bit.
When it’s time for bed, turn on all the lights in your room. Leave them on all night. Sprinkle some dirt and pine needles on your sheets. Put some rocks and your dirty socks beneath your pillow. When you get into bed, be sure you’ve still got your boots or shoes on. Wear the same clothes you’ve had on all day. If your bed is too comfortable, sleep in an old, dirty sleeping bag near the fireplace and/or as close to the kitchen a possible.
Replay your helicopter or generator recording as you try to fall asleep. Better yet have a diesel engine idling outside your front door all night and periodically have someone change the RPM’s.
Have a friend come over, have him use a bullhorn outside your bedroom all night, using phrases such as “will the crew boss from San Carlos #6 report to plans,” “ground support report to the Logistics Chief immediately,” and the perfunctory “Ops Chief to Communications ASAP.” Have him blow into the bullhorn at least two times before making each announcement.
Have a couple of people who don’t know you and have not been in your house before, wander in between 2 and 3 a.m. with huge red packs, pull out their sleeping bags, and sleep on the floor. Have them talk loudly about what it is like to fly 1500 miles in a DC-3, how lousy the bus driver was, and why they only got a day old sack lunch for dinner last night. Have them leave a radio on, switched on to one of the incident’s tac channels all night.
Lock the bathroom door. Arrange to have a porta-potty placed in your driveway. Have it delivered full, after being used by at least a couple of hundred people. Make sure the latch on the door doesn’t work. Have someone open the door a couple times while you are using it. Make sure the porta-potty is placed somewhere very dark, and forget to bring your flashlight when you use it. Get a piece of notebook paper, a felt tip pen, write “Plans” on the paper, and tape it on the door of the porta-potty.
Ask the person who delivers your paper to honk the car horn for you as early as possible – preferably around 4 a.m.
Turn the hot water faucet on full blast for at least an hour, so by the time you are ready to take your shower, the water will be properly chilled. During that hour stand up to wait for the water to chill, and move forward toward the bathroom about 2 feet every 2 minutes.
Get up in the morning and use the porta-potty before heading to breakfast. Stand and wait to cook breakfast for about 45 minutes. For breakfast, make scrambled eggs, keep them in a pan for about two hours in the oven, then put them on a paper plate, then pour a cup of coffee. Use plastic utensils only. Refrigerate the eggs and coffee for 15 minutes while you make a processed meat sandwich with no mayo, tomatoes, or lettuce on it. Make sure you use about 3 pounds of sliced meat. Make sure the cheese sticks to the bread enough that if you try to lift the bread off the cheese and meat, it tears the bread apart. Make sure to make the sandwich using a sandwich roll of white bread that weighs about 2 pounds. Put in a piece or two of fruit, using the rejects and old stock that is thrown out by the grocery store every day. Put a 4 ounce can of apple, orange, or grape juice that has been thoroughly warmed, into a brown paper sack along with the sandwich, which has been packaged in 14 yards of plastic wrap. . Make absolutely sure that you place a 10 year old “Payday” candy bar and a handful of 20 year old Starburst candies in the lunch sack. Take a large felt pen and write yesterdays or today’s date on the outside of the sack. This will be your lunch and put it on the seat of your chair Place your scrambled eggs and coffee on the table, sit down on your chair, immediately lay your head in the plate, and go to sleep.
Ask someone else to drive you to work at about 5:30 a.m. Ride in the trunk with your sack lunch and a can of soda. Place a can of chain saw fuel mix in the trunk with you, and make sure it leaks just a little before you get in. Try to find a route that is on a dirt road, or on streets with numerous large potholes. Tell your driver to forget to pick you up when it’s time to go home.
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Decompression is Important
As we see our work suppressing a wildfire coming to an end, we know we’ll soon return to our “normal” lives. But just as deep sea divers know it’s important not to ascend to the surface too rapidly, we firefighters have to learn to “decompress,” to slowly rejoin our friends and families and colleagues in the “real world.” Wildland firefighters don’t have decompression chambers to help us, so we need some training to help make this transition as painless as possible. Following are some tips for a slow, safe withdrawal from fireline life.
Before leaving fire camp, record the sound of helicopters flying overhead and/or the sound of generators near the food unit.
Your first evening at home, start a roaring fire in the fireplace, turn off all the lights, and read a comic book by flashlight. Partially shut the flue damper and have a little smoke back up into the house, enough that it stings your eyes a little bit.
When it’s time for bed, turn on all the lights in your room. Leave them on all night. Sprinkle some dirt and pine needles on your sheets. Put some rocks and your dirty socks beneath your pillow. When you get into bed, be sure you’ve still got your boots or shoes on. Wear the same clothes you’ve had on all day. If your bed is too comfortable, sleep in an old, dirty sleeping bag near the fireplace and/or as close to the kitchen a possible.
Replay your helicopter or generator recording as you try to fall asleep. Better yet have a diesel engine idling outside your front door all night and periodically have someone change the RPM’s.
Have a friend come over, have him use a bullhorn outside your bedroom all night, using phrases such as “will the crew boss from San Carlos #6 report to plans,” “ground support report to the Logistics Chief immediately,” and the perfunctory “Ops Chief to Communications ASAP.” Have him blow into the bullhorn at least two times before making each announcement.
Have a couple of people who don’t know you and have not been in your house before, wander in between 2 and 3 a.m. with huge red packs, pull out their sleeping bags, and sleep on the floor. Have them talk loudly about what it is like to fly 1500 miles in a DC-3, how lousy the bus driver was, and why they only got a day old sack lunch for dinner last night. Have them leave a radio on, switched on to one of the incident’s tac channels all night.
Lock the bathroom door. Arrange to have a porta-potty placed in your driveway. Have it delivered full, after being used by at least a couple of hundred people. Make sure the latch on the door doesn’t work. Have someone open the door a couple times while you are using it. Make sure the porta-potty is placed somewhere very dark, and forget to bring your flashlight when you use it. Get a piece of notebook paper, a felt tip pen, write “Plans” on the paper, and tape it on the door of the porta-potty.
Ask the person who delivers your paper to honk the car horn for you as early as possible – preferably around 4 a.m.
Turn the hot water faucet on full blast for at least an hour, so by the time you are ready to take your shower, the water will be properly chilled. During that hour stand up to wait for the water to chill, and move forward toward the bathroom about 2 feet every 2 minutes.
Get up in the morning and use the porta-potty before heading to breakfast. Stand and wait to cook breakfast for about 45 minutes. For breakfast, make scrambled eggs, keep them in a pan for about two hours in the oven, then put them on a paper plate, then pour a cup of coffee. Use plastic utensils only. Refrigerate the eggs and coffee for 15 minutes while you make a processed meat sandwich with no mayo, tomatoes, or lettuce on it. Make sure you use about 3 pounds of sliced meat. Make sure the cheese sticks to the bread enough that if you try to lift the bread off the cheese and meat, it tears the bread apart. Make sure to make the sandwich using a sandwich roll of white bread that weighs about 2 pounds. Put in a piece or two of fruit, using the rejects and old stock that is thrown out by the grocery store every day. Put a 4 ounce can of apple, orange, or grape juice that has been thoroughly warmed, into a brown paper sack along with the sandwich, which has been packaged in 14 yards of plastic wrap. . Make absolutely sure that you place a 10 year old “Payday” candy bar and a handful of 20 year old Starburst candies in the lunch sack. Take a large felt pen and write yesterdays or today’s date on the outside of the sack. This will be your lunch and put it on the seat of your chair Place your scrambled eggs and coffee on the table, sit down on your chair, immediately lay your head in the plate, and go to sleep.
Ask someone else to drive you to work at about 5:30 a.m. Ride in the trunk with your sack lunch and a can of soda. Place a can of chain saw fuel mix in the trunk with you, and make sure it leaks just a little before you get in. Try to find a route that is on a dirt road, or on streets with numerous large potholes. Tell your driver to forget to pick you up when it’s time to go home.
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