Sometimes I wonder if even the Coast Guard knows how the Coast Guard is organized.
The following is a true story.
Cuttyhunk is the southwestern most of the chain of Elizabeth Islands, which separate Buzzards Bay from Vineyard Sound. The nearest civilization is either Woods Hole (about 15 n. mi. NE) or Padanaram (about 15 n. mi. N).
There was once a restaurant on Cuttyhunk known as the Allen House. The Elizabeth Islands comprise the Massachusetts town of Gosnold, and since Gosnold is a “dry” town, those who wished to partake during their repast at the Allen House were relegated to BYOB.
One night a lady partook a bit too much. After finishing her meal, she turned right instead of left and tumbled down a long hill, ending up with a compound fracture of her ankle, with bone showing.
The good burghers of Cuttyhunk, thinking a long bouncy ride in an open boat to the nearest hospital was probably not a great idea, apparently called the Coast Guard for an air evac. This call was made by telephone, so I don’t know the particulars. However, a helo was dispatched out of AirSta Cape Cod, with a short ETA. This was about 2000 hours on a cloudless July evening.
Coast Guard air ops are all on 5695 USB, which we tuned up. After a few minutes, the helo was in sight on final over Canapitsit. We then heard the following:
“Rescue 60?? [I don’t remember the number]; CommSta Boston.”
“60??.”
“60??; CommSta Boston. RTB.”
“Huh?”
“60??; CommSta Boston. Order of the Flight Surgeon: RTB.”
What we later learned is that the First District Flight Surgeon has to approve all medical air evacs and was apparently not consulted by whomever dispatched the helo this evening. So he ordered it recalled.
The aircraft commander (like most military pilots) was a bit of a cowboy and didn’t like these orders. And so:
“CommSta Boston; 60??”
“CommSta Boston.”
“We’re 30 seconds from landing. What am I supposed to tell the people on the ground.” (You had to hear his tone of voice to get the full message.)
“60??; CommSta Boston. Stand by.”
Short delay. Then:
“60??; CommSta Boston. Orders of First District: tell them you are cancelled due to weather.”
The helo did a 180 and the poor lady was transported 15 bouncy miles in an open boat to Woods Hole.
This is a bit of an old story (the Allen House has been closed since 1993). However, in the last twelve months, we’ve personally heard or observed a number of events that are so reminiscent of the Keystone Cops as to make you wonder. For instance:
A boat calls Sector SENE reporting some incident in the outer harbor of Cuttyhunk. The RO says, “Where?” The RP repeats his report and the RO requests: “Can you spell that?”
A boat calls to report another vessel aground on Red Ledge in Woods Hole Passage. Now, you have to know that anyone who has the teeny-weensiest bit of local knowledge in the AOR of Sector SENE knows that Red Ledge, which is maybe 500 yards from Sector itself, which consists of a group of rocks maybe 100 yards in breadth, and which is the primary trap for vessels that founder in the Pass. In any event, a boat reports another aground on Red Ledge in the Pass, and the Sector SENE RO asks: “Do you have a lat/lon for that?”
On another occasion, a vessel reported a near collision in Buzzards Bay, and the Sector SENE RO advised, “The Coast Guard has no jurisdiction in Buzzards Bay.”
And just this past weekend, Sector SENE was still broadcasting a storm-related UMIB almost 8 hours after the storm has passed and the winds were dead calm.
The Coast Guard was once a proud organization with a superb reputation. There are those who believe that, largely because of the influence of REMFs who have neither a clue nor any interest in anything but their own progression up the promotion ladder, it is today but a shell of its former self. Sad. Occasionally amusing, but sad.
