Hello hello! Finally I have an update for all of you about my unit!
I received my unit in the mail three days ago, but it looked like it was brand new! They packaged it up real nice.
Uniden didn't send any notes or indications about what had actually happened, but I guess they warranty repaired it without issue. The scanner is working perfectly now, and is back inside my rig where it belongs. I had such a tricky time putting both scanners together as I was only used to having room for one.
Upgraded equipment should hopefully help keep the scanner going this time. I've upgraded to a 32" whip antenna that sits off the roof of my van, rather than the stupid little stick-on one I was using before.
Long and short: we may never know what the actual issue was, whether it was the receiving chip being fried, a defective unit, or just bad equipment damaging the scanner. It's fixed now though!
Huge thanks to everyone who reached out to try and help me. If you've read my profile, I'm a younger man, just getting into the amateur radio world, so you can imagine my first big purchase conking out on me giving me a good scare. You guys rock!